How to get the wife onboard??? <Long Post>

[1SlowFormula]

OK,

So last night I was telling my wife about this site and the race series, and how I wanted to join, I also gave her the dates of the races since she holds our social calendar and all that. But after that things turned bad, she is used to me just going to the track and doing the occasional Wed, Fri, or Sat thing on my schedule, you know, whenever there was time. But she thinks this may be too much of a time/money commitment. The money was because she knows I need a few things repair/safety wise, that we were planning on doing but I guess she thought we would do it slowly over the course of the summer since Cecil never really Tech's the car anyway. (I'll get into that in another post) As far as her concerns over time, she thinks it may interfere with our lives and we might have to rethink vacation plans, getting stuff done around the house, and things like that. We have plans of going on and Alaskan cruise sometime in May, and a trip to Vegas planed for around mid summer for a few friends b-days. She said she didn't want to hear how I missed a race for a vacation, and thinks I won't be able to give up a race or something like that. Apparently I get pissy when things don't work out when I am working on the car or getting ready for a race, sometimes I complain, and I think she just doesn't want to hear me complain about it...

For example, Last year I wanted to run in a 3 race points cup for a local F-body club, I went to the first race, then stated working on the car to get ready for the second race at MIR, but the weather didn't look promising, and It was a long drive and a hotel room to only get canceled. That and the car wasn't quite ready anyhow, so I decided to just slow down and not rush myself and started working on house projects (expanding our Bedroom closet to a walk-in, and adding a built-in armoire/tv case). Well the weather turned out to be pretty good that day, I was now working on the house and not my car, and kept making little comments like "this would be a perfect day for racing", "I wonder how the guys racing are doing", and "I wonder how the points standing will be after this". Then something similar happened before the last race, but this time it was because my car was torn apart and I wasn't going to be able to get it back together in time because there was a lot of crap that came up at work and I had to put in extra time as well as travel to Atlanta for a few weeks to get things on track down there. I went from frantically trying to get the car finished at any point I was home, to finally just throwing in the towel and doing other things, and again probably acting irritated that I wasn't competeing while bitching about work (another thing she doesn't like). But for some reason she always takes it persoannally, like she thinks that I am saying it becasue she didn't let me go, she feels I hold her responsible, or something. So, needless to say, she wasn't happy with me. I can completely understand that, always end up telling her it has nothing to do with her, and I guess she just doesn't want to hear the complaining about not racing again this year. The problem really is all on me though for being childish and complaining about not racing, but I have always just let everyone know how I feel about things, and she is the same way. We have no real way of hiding our feelings, especially when unhappy or irritated about something, it just shines through for all to see...

How can I let her know that though this is something I want to do, I will be pushing myself to do it well, and that I will try not to get upset if I can't race for whatever reason? I tried telling her that most of the guys may miss a race or 2, from what I read the points are from the top 5 races anyway so it may not kill me in the points race if I miss one or two, and either way I just wanted to do it for the experiance and I am not looking to win the first year out or anything...

The more re-read this the more I realize how much this all could have annoyed her, especially since we finshed the Closet, but the armoire/tv cases' woodwork needs to be finished  (it's just framing right now). Beyond that, there are more home projects (kitchen, bathroom, etc.) we have planned, and now I am telling her I want to start getting everything ready for race season again... 

So, I guess trying to get the Bedroom finished, bust @$$ on the Kitchen, and hopefully get it all done before March might help. That should be plenty of time to get the things done on the car to compete, right? Do you guys think doing the stuff around the house first would help? Any other thoughts?

[bfnjz52]

Leave her!
 

[ace351c]

I am by no means a marriage counselor, but sounds like finishing those things might help or at least give you a little leverage in the arguement.... . Try taking her to the one of the races. My girlfriend and I have been together two years now, and she by no means was a racing fan and now she loves it as much as I do. She even let me drain our savings to buy a motor home just to run this series.

[1SlowFormula]

She was not into any sort of racing before she met me, and she is rather shy, but she says sh doesn't mind going and watching me race, but she doesn't really understand it...

[ace351c]

That is how mine was, it is especially hard to understand bracket racing. You just have to ty to keep explaining it as you go. The shy part will loosen up I am sure once she is around the series a while. Everyone I have ever talked to that runs this deal is a super nice person. Where in Pennsylvania are you located at?

[1SlowFormula]

That is how mine was, it is especially hard to understand bracket racing. You just have to ty to keep explaining it as you go. The shy part will loosen up I am sure once she is around the series a while. Everyone I have ever talked to that runs this deal is a super nice person. Where in Pennsylvania are you located at?

The town is Brookhaven, it is 6 miles south of the Philly airport, not too far from where 476 and 95 merge, but away from Chester...

[REDGAR]

Okay here is my view.

Not sure how you are about doing things for you vs. doing things for "us".  In my case, it was always "us" before me so when it came to this being the hobby I chose, she was and still is 100% behind me.  If this is the one thing you do for you then that route of reasoning might help.

As for this organization, I have never race with Ram but I hear nothing but good things and from what I understand, very family oriented and Rich even feeds us so looks like a good thing for you and her to do together but don't push that. 

My wife tried the racing thing and realized it is not for her but still enjoys coming out once or twice a season but that is it for her.

[Darin Stine]

Simple...you get the things done around the house to the best of your ability.  You use addt'l free time to get the car ready, AND spend quality time with the wifey.  Next, you run the races that you can.  I put them all on the calender, and hope to run the points deal, BUT...if I can't make one, so be it.  I also have Pontiac races at Norwalk, and one at VMP that I go to each year...I may have to decide on skipping a race here or there.  Money and family considerations are always there.  You need to COMPROMISE.  That's the key.  My wife isn't really all that into racing.  She has come to understand bracket racing over the last 3 years I've raced, but has no desire to drive.  She will come along sometimes, but not always.  She likes to support me at the track when she can.  We have 2 small girls, 1 1/2, and 3 1/2...that just makes it even harder!!

Anyhow, not so simple!  (I was joking with the first line!)  Hope to see you this year!

[BlownChevyII]

Just about ALL the Ram races ar 1 day events.  VMP being the exception.  The way I see it there are 2 days in a weekend.  1 for her and 1 for you.  I'd try to include her as much as as you can, get her involved a bit.  I've been attending all the RAm races helping out friends for the Past 2 seasons.  My wife and kids attending everyone this season with me.  I will be racing in 07, they will be there at ALL races.

Bottom line get all your Honey DO shit out of the way.  You have plenty of time before the 1st race.  Slack off on the 2000 word posts and put that time and energy into finishing those projects and you'll be good to go!!!!   

[bfnjz52]

Leave her!
 

[1SlowFormula]

Well thanks a lot everyone, there are good suggestions from all, so we'll see...

BlownChevyII - Thanks for the comments, but I also wanted to add that the 2000 word post was when I was bored at work today, wishing I was home and working on getting stuff done around the house or car... 

[1SlowFormula]

Leave her!
 

Dick, you appear to be repeating yourself. Is there something we should know about you on this subject?

[bfnjz52]

Leave her!
 

Dick, you appear to be repeating yourself. Is there something we should know about you on this subject?

Just having some fun John. Old guys need to entertain themselves somehow.    Good luck with your racing and bringing the wife on board!
 

[REDGAR]

Psst!  John..  Don't say nuttin'.  He forgets...that's why

[1SlowFormula]

  That's what I was thinking too... 

[bfnjz52]

forget what??
 

[madracerswife]

As a wife, yes we lurk around to see what you boys are up too, get the list done, but made time for just the 2 of you.  I've taken a back seat to all this racing and the car, and should have put my foot down early. For him it's an obsession, and he talks more about the car then anything else.  I don't care for it, but I support my hubby.  At least he's not at the bar or strip club.  It's his thing to do and he enjoys, but get the list done that she wants and show her the money outlay first.  Or work a side job that way money doesn't have to come out of the house.  If you want it bad enough you'll figure it all out. 

[1SlowFormula]

Well, I am glad to get a wife's input, it really helps...

I was planning on doing everything in my power to get most of the stuff on the list done, so as suggested, this will hopefully help out. Also I, much like your husband, think and talk about car stuff more then most other things because it is my passion, but trying not to discuss it when that is what you'd rather be doing is difficult. I am trying to make a concerted effort to not do this, and again this will hopefully help some too.

As for money, There is no real reason to get another job, or anything like that. It was more of a way we budget and because the car thing is my "hobby" we allocate only a couple hundred dollars a month to it. This has been fine and I have no problem doing that, but it was her Idea that if I was going to joine the race series I should go in with the items I would need, her list included subframe connectors, new tires, and since I needed new tires anyway I should get the lighter rims I was looking at, and also all the safety stuff that needs to be done to the car. But her idea was getting it all at once before the season, while I was planning on doing it slowly over the course of the season, but as a car guy at heart would be stupid to not get it all now since she offered right? So this was the only issue with money, but there is no real issue there because there is room for compromize.

However, the time portion she feers it will take has merit. I have done changes to the car and have to test and tune the car, and this means more time at the track getting the car ready and everything else. plus add in the time of doing the work on the car and god forbid if there was something that broke and I would need to spend even more time gettign it ready again. She knows this has happened in the past and knows it will happen going forward and this is the biggest issue I see...

[bfnjz52]

Good news John!  Looks like you don't have to leave her.